|AUTHOR:||Shaikh Muhammad ‘Umar Baazmool|
|SOURCE:||Fildhaat-ul-Akbaad (pg. 18-25)|
This is an excerpt from an upcoming e-book entitled “Your Flesh and Blood – The Rights of Children” by Shaikh Muhammad ‘Umar Baazmool, may Allaah facilitate it.
How do we Fulfill the Rights of our Flesh and Blood?
I will mention here some examples of this:
1. Choosing a good name for him:
The proof for this is the fact that it is authentically reported on the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he would change vile names and that he would encourage (his followers) to choose good names (for themselves and their children).
Ibn ‘Umar (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Indeed the most beloved of your names to Allaah are: ‘Abdullaah and ‘Abdur-Rahmaan.” 
‘Aqeel bin Shabeeb reported from Abu Wahab Al-Jushamee – one of the Companions – that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Name yourselves with the names of the prophets. And the most beloved of names to Allaah are: ‘Abdullaah and ‘Abdur-Rahmaan while the most truthful of them are: Al-Haarith and Hammaam. And the vilest of them are Harb and Murrah.” 
2. Holding an ‘Aqeeqah for him:
On the authority of Muhammad bin Sireen: Salmaan bin ‘Aamir Ad-Dabbee narrated to us, saying: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say: “The ‘Aqeeqah is to be offered for the (newborn) boy. So spill blood on his behalf (i.e. offer a sacrifice) and remove the harm from him.” 
3. Breastfeeding him:
This is one of the initial rights that a child gets after birth. The noble Qur’aan has affirmed it and defined the maximum time-frame for it, saying: “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]
4. Paying his expenses:
Allaah says: “But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]
And He says: “And kill not your children because of poverty. We provide sustenance for you and for them.” [Surah Al-An’aam: 151]
And He says: “And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.” [Surah Al-Israa: 31]
So if it were not for the fact that spending on them was an obligation, they would not have any fear of poverty. However, Allaah affirmed that and shows them that He is the One who provides for them and their offspring.
Az-Zuhree said: Abu Idrees ‘Aa’idhullaah bin ‘Abdillaah informed me that ‘Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) – who was present at the Battle of Badr and who was one of the chiefs on the night of ‘Aqabah – reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said while a group of his Companions were around him: “Give me the pledge that you will not worship anything along with Allaah, that you will not steal, that you will not commit illegal intercourse, that you will not kill your children, that you will not bring forth a slander which you fabricate between your hands and legs (i.e. by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that you are not disobedient with respect to (implanting) good. Whoever amongst you fulfills his pledge will be rewarded by Allaah. And whoever indulges in any of these sins and is then punished for it in this worldly life, the punishment will serve as expiation for him. And whoever indulges in any of these sins and then Allaah conceals it for him, the matter is with Allaah – if He wishes, He will pardon him and if He wishes, He will punish him.” ‘Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) said: “So we gave him the pledge of allegiance upon these conditions.” 
We also mentioned previously the report in which the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he supports.” 
Hishaam narrated: My father reported to me from ‘Aa’ishah that Hind bint ‘Utbah said: “O Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), Abu Sufyaan is a very miserly man and he doesn’t give me what suffices myself and my child, except for what I take from him without him knowing!” He (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Take what suffices you and your child in goodness.” 
Anas bin Maalik (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Whoever supports two girls until they reach the age of puberty will come on the Day of Judgement – him and I.” And he (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) interlaced his fingers. 
5. Being fair when giving out gifts:
‘Aamir narrated: I heard An-Nu’maan bin Basheer say while he was on the mimbar: “My father once gave me a gift but ‘Amra bint Rawaahah (i.e. my mother) said she would not agree to it unless he made Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) a witness to it. So my father went to Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: ‘I have given a gift to my son from ‘Amra bint Rawaahah, but she ordered me to make you witness it O Messenger of Allaah.’ He (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) asked him: ‘Did you give the rest of your children a similar gift?’ He said: ‘No.’ So Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Then fear Allaah and be fair towards all of your children.’ So my father went back and took back his gift.” 
6. Commanding them to pray and being patient with them upon that:
This is based on Allaah’s statement: “And enjoin prayer on your family and be patient in offering it. We do not ask you for any provision, (rather) We provide for you, and the good end is for those with Taqwaa.” [Surah TaHa: 132]
‘Amr bin Shu’aib reported from his father who reported from his grandfather that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Order your children to pray when they are seven years old and beat them to it (if they refuse) when they are ten. And separate them in their beds.” 
7. Beware of supplicating against them:
‘Ubaadah bin As-Saamit (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported from Jaabir bin ‘Abdillaah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Do not supplicate against your own selves. Do not supplicate against your children. And do not supplicate against your wealth. Do not correspond with Allaah on an hour in which He is asked something and thus grants it.” 
8. The Order to Restrain Children during the Hours in which the Jinn spread out:
Jaabir (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “When night falls, restrain your children, for indeed the devils spread out at that time. So when an hour has passed from the evening, you may then release them. And close your door and mention Allaah’s Name. Turn off your light and mention Allaah’s Name. Cover your containers and mention Allaah’s Name – even if you put something across it.” 
9. Inciting them to keep good company and warning them about bad companions:
Abu Moosaa (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The example of a righteous companion and an evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. From the first, you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while a blacksmith would either burn your home or your clothes or you would experience a foul smell from him.” 
10. Being merciful and compassionate towards them:
‘Urwah bin Az-Zubair reported from ‘Aa’ishah (radyAllaahu ‘anhaa), the wife of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who narrated to him, saying: “A woman with two children came to me to beg but nothing could be found in my possession except one date, so I gave it to her. The woman took it and divided it between her two daughters. She then got up and left. When the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came in, I told him what had happened. So he said: ‘Whoever is put in charge of some affair of these daughters and is good to them, they will act as a shield for him from the Fire.’” 
Az-Zuhree reported: Abu Salamah bin ‘Abdir-Rahmaan narrated to us that Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) once kissed Al-Hasan bin ‘Alee while Al-Aqra’ bin Haabis At-Tameemee was sitting next to him, so Al-Aqra’ said: ‘I have ten children and I have not kissed any of them.’ The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) cast a look on him and said: ‘Whoever is not merciful (to others) will not be treated mercifully.’” 
‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, reported that once a Bedouin man came to the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: “You people kiss children but we don’t kiss them.” So the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allaah has taken it away from it.” 
Abu Sulaymaan Maalik bin Al-Huwairith reported: “We came to the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when we were young men around the same age and stayed with him for twenty nights. He (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then thought that we missed our families so he asked us whom we left behind to look after them, and we told him. He was compassionate and merciful and said to us: ‘Go back to your families and teach them and command them (with good). And pray as you have seen me praying. And when the time for prayer comes in, one of you should make the Adhaan for all of you, and the eldest amongst you should lead the prayer.’” 
11. Serving as good role-models for them:
A child’s guardians should behave in accordance with their responsibility due to the generality of the afore-mentioned hadeeth: ‘All of you are shepherds and each one of you is responsible over his flock.’”
12. Teaching them the aspects of the Religion that they are required to learn:
Anas bin Maalik (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.” 
This goes along with a warning against children traveling abroad even for educational purposes until they first fortify themselves with religious knowledge and a righteous wife.
 Reported by Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Manners (no. 2132)
 Reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad (31/377, no. 19032), Abu Dawood in his Sunan: Book of Manners (no. 4950) and An-Nasaa’ee in his Sunan: Book of Horses (no. 3565); The chain of this narration revolves around ‘Aqeel bin Shabeeb who is unknown. No one reported on his authority except for one narrator. Ibn Hibbaan mentioned him amongst the reliable narrators. Those who have checked the Musnad have declared its chain of narration weak because of this.
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of ‘Aqeeqah (no. 5471)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Faith (no. 18) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Punishments (no. 1709)
 Its references were mentioned previously. Its source is found in Saheeh Muslim but the wording here is from Abu Dawood who reported it with a good chain.
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Provision (no. 5364) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Judgements (no. 1714)
 Reported by Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Virtues, Maintaining Family Ties and Good Manners (no. 2631)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Gifts, their Virtue and the Encouragement to Give them (no. 2587) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Gifts (no. 1623)
 Reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad (2/180) and Abu Dawood in his Sunan: Book of Prayer (no. 495)
 Reported by Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Abstinence and Heart-Softening Narrations (no. 3014)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of the Beginning of Creation (no. 3280) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Drinks (no. 2012)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Business Transactions (no. 2101) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Virtues, Maintaining Family Ties and Good Manners (no. 2628)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Manners (no. 5994) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Virtues, Maintaining Family Ties and Good Manners (no. 2639)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Manners (no. 5997) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Virtues (no. 2318)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Manners (no. 5998) and Muslim in his Saheeh: Book of Virtues (no. 2317)
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in his Saheeh: Book of Manners (no. 6008)
 Reported by Ibn Maajah in the introduction to his Sunan: Book of the Virtue of the Scholars (no. 224)
Published on: May 31, 2007
Children Praying in the Masjid
|AUTHOR:||Shaikh Muhammad Amaan Al-Jaamee|
|SOURCE:||Sharh Shuroot as-Salaat (pg. 7)|
A child that is below the age of seven does not yet comprehend. This is why we were commanded to order our children to pray when they turn seven since before this age they do not possess the adequate level of comprehension. So the point at which he begins to comprehend things is the age of seven. After reaching this age, a child must be ordered to pray. This is based on the statement of Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): “Order your children to pray at seven (years of age), and beat them to it (if they fail to comply) at ten. And separate them in their beds.” These are Islamic etiquettes that we are required to follow, and included amongst them is: Commanding the children to pray at the age of seven.
Ordering them to pray doesn’t mean that you just tell your child “Pray” and that’s it. The understanding that we derive from this command of Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) of ordering our children to pray is that we should teach them how to pray. And if this is not so, then the act of you telling your child who is playing by the door: “Go to the masjid and pray” when you have not taught him how to purify himself or how to perform the prayer, does not remove the responsibility from your shoulders.
You have only fulfilled your responsibility when you have taught him how to purify himself and then you tell him “Go pray.” In this circumstance, you have complied.
Many people are inconsiderate when they bring to the masjid their children – aged seven or less – who are not in a state of purity and have no understanding of how to pray, and then place them in a row of prayer. This row is considered disconnected due to this child standing in it since he is not praying.
The following statement of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) applies to people who this: “Whoever connects the row, then Allaah will connect him, and whoever cuts off the row, then Allaah cut him off.”
You bring a child who does not comprehend the prayer to the masjid and put him to stand in the first row next to you behind the Imaam while the people remain silent out of courtesy. This child is not in prayer. Perhaps he may not even be in a state of purity, i.e. he may have impurities in his body! This is since you took him from the front of the house before teaching him how to purify himself and how to pray. This is incorrect.
So it is mandatory that you teach him at home how to purify himself and how to pray. Then you should teach him where to stand in the masjid. He should not stand in the front row. Rather, he should stand in the row where all the children are lined up. If a group of people congregate for prayer and they consist of two rows, then the children should stand in the second row, i.e. the last row, after the row of men. This is what the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) instructed us to do. So we must abide by these etiquettes.
Then when the child reaches ten years of age, and non-compliance and rebelliousness (against this order) arises in him, he should be hit for the purpose of disciplining and intimidating him until he prays and safeguards all of his prayers.
Children should be separated in their beds at this age also, i.e. each child must sleep by himself (in his own bed). This is the etiquette of Islaam.
Published on: April 23, 2007
Breastfeeding One’s Child
|AUTHOR:||‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan|
|SOURCE:||Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 33-34)|
[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]
Afterward, the mother should focus on breastfeeding the newborn child until the age of weaning.
Natural milk from the mother has a huge effect in the health and upbringing of a child. Allaah instructs the mothers to breastfeed their children for two complete years. This is for those wish to complete the period of breastfeeding. Allaah says:
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“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]
The reason for this is because the infant senses the affection of the mother while breastfeeding and he is in need of that.
Modern medicine has confirmed that there is a high percentage rate of disease and death for those children that were fed in their infancy with processed milk. Natural milk is also advantageous to the mother’s health in terms of mending the uterus after delivery and her digestive system.
Islaam also encourages it for it permits the breastfeeding mother to break her fast in Ramadaan if the fast will have an effect on her breastfeeding.
Perhaps one of the reasons why many children are not affectionately attached to their mothers and why there is such widespread disobedience of them in these times is due to the lack of using natural milk and the high use of processed milk.
Since breastfeeding has such an effect on the child being breastfed, the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) prohibited Muslims from employing a dumb woman for the purposing of breastfeeding one’s child. 
Ibn Qaasim, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in Haashiyat-ur-Rawd commenting on this hadeeth: “This is since breastfeeding has an effect on an individual’s nature.” Then he said: “Al-Qaadee mentioned that whoever is breastfed from a stupid woman, the child too will come out being stupid. And whoever is breastfed from a woman with bad manners, it will pass onto him. And whoever is breastfed from an animal, he will come out senseless, like an animal.” 
Ibn Qudaamah, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in al-Mughnee: “It is said: ‘Breastfeeding changes personalities.’”
So how much more so for those who are fed formula milk which one does not even know the source from where it came or who processed it?
Published on: April 12, 2007
Choosing a Good Spouse in Marriage
|AUTHOR:||‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan|
|SOURCE:||Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 18-22)|
[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]
Choosing the Mother (i.e. one’s wife):
If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the great aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allaah and serve as a provision for their parents. The Prophet said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood] 
Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying: “A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, may your hand be covered in dust.”
Allaah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]
The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.
The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee] 
On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] 
And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” [Reported by Ibn Maajah] 
This is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for him.
A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.”
At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!”
Abul-Aswad Ad-Du’alee once told his children: “I was good to you when you were children, when you grew up, and also before you were born.” They asked: “And how is it that you were good to us before we were born?” He said: “I chose for you a mother through whom you would not be mistreated.”
Ar-Riyaashee would recite this same theme in the following poetic verses:
“The first good thing I did for you was my choosing (for you)
an honorable woman of noble descent and clear virtue.”
The Wife Searching for a Righteous Husband:
Just as a husband should look for a righteous wife, so too should a woman look to choose a righteous husband. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allaah said: “If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.” 
Based on this, we see that the firm foundation that a potential couple should base their selection of one another should be that of: Religion and Character. This is what will bring about a correct and proper upbringing for children.
On the wedding night when the groom consummates the marriage, it is recommended for him to say: “O Allaah, I ask you for her good and the good that she was molded upon” whilst placing his hand upon her head. He should also pray two rak’aat with her. 
 Reported by Abu Dawood (2050) and An-Nasaa’ee (3227) from the narration of Ma’qal bin Yassaar and authenticated by Ibn Hibbaan (4056 and 4057). The hadeeth was also reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad (12613) and Ibn Hibbaan (4028) from the narration of Anas bin Maalik.
 Reported by Al-Bukhaaree (5090), Muslim (1466), Abu Dawood (2047), An-Nasaa’ee (3230) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (9521)
 Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee in al-Afraad from the narration of Abu Sa’eed in marfoo’ form. Al-‘Ajaloonee mentioned it in Kashf-ul-Khafaa (1/319, no. 855). What it means is that it is disliked to marry a corrupt woman since a woman with bad roots will affect her child negatively. The basis (for the similitude) is that crops grow upon manure that is placed in a dirty area. So the outward appearance of the crops appears nice but the inner appearance of the manure is vile and rotten. The word diman is the plural of the word dimnah, and that refers to manure (i.e. fertilizer).  Reported by Al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/363, no. 3281) from the narration of Ibn ‘Abbaas.
 Reported by Ibn Maajah (1968) from the narration of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, with the wording: “Choose (a good mother) for your seeds, marry the suitable ones (among women) and wed (your children) to them.” It is also reported with the wording: “And look into which source you place your child for indeed breeding is a strategy.” This hadeeth was transmitted by Al-Qadaa’ee in Musnad-ush-Shihaab (1/370, no. 638) from the narration of Ibn ‘Umar. Also see Kashf-ul-Khafaa (1/358, no. 960).
 Reported by At-Tirmidhee (1085) from the narration of Abu Haatim Al-Muznee, and he said: “This is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth.” Abu Haatim Al-Muznee was a Companion. No other hadeeth is known to have been reported by him on the Prophet except this hadeeth. Abu Dawood also mentioned it in al-Maraaseel (224) but according to him, Abu Haatim Al-Muznee is a Taabi’ee. The hadeeth also has a supporting witness in the hadeeth of Abu Hurairah with the wording: “If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes marriage to you (i.e. your daughter), then marry (her) off to him. If you fail to do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.” [Reported by At-Tirmidhee (1084) and Ibn Maajah (1967)]
 Reported by Al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/202, no. 2757); ‘Abdullaah bin ‘Amr reported that Allaah’s Messenger said: “If one of you obtains a slave-girl or a wife or a riding beast, he should take hold of her forelock, supplicate for blessings and say: ‘O Allaah, I ask You for her good and the good that she was molded upon. And I seek refuge in You from her evil and the evil that she was molded upon.” Al-Haakim authenticated it and Adh-Dhahabee agreed.
Published on: April 4, 2007
Choosing a School and Friends for your Child
|AUTHOR:||‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan|
|SOURCE:||Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 65-68)|
[From an upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was intorduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]
Choosing a School:
The father should strive to carefully choose a good school for his child, thus selecting the one that is of the finest quality and not necessarily the one that is closest to him. He should also ask those involved in the field of teaching and educating, who are sincere and honest, as to which of the schools is the best.
School has a deep impact on a student since it is there that he spends a quarter of his day – which is in fact the best time of the day. In the school he learns and is educated, and that is the place where he finds friends and companions.
So based on this, the father must keep a close connection with the school by going to visit it, staying in contact with it by phone and asking about the state of his son or daughter. He should be concerned with asking about his child’s character, behavior and friends before asking about his grades.
He should also follow up on his child’s educational development and studies, and check his notes and homework and be aware of the remarks the teacher makes to his child’s work so that he may correct it.
So your concern with your child’s studies and your solid relationship with his school, his teachers, his schoolwork, and his levels of education is a good that will assist in his well-being and learning, by the will of Allaah.
Choosing a Friend:
From the things in which there is no doubt is that a friend has a profound effect on an individual – whether positive or negative. Sufficient to clarify this point is the statement of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when he said: “The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]
The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said: “A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look into whom he takes as a close friend.” [Reported by Abu Dawood]
Therefore, O father, it is incumbent upon you to look for a good friend and a sincere companion for your child before he chooses one on his own, for he may choose the wrong ones and then grow attached to them, after which it will be hard for you to separate them.
There are many accounts, too numerous to be recorded, in which children were raised in good environments and in conservative households but ended up mixing with bad companions on the pretext that they were going on a trip or an outing with them or using the excuse that they wanted to play with them or have fun with them or study with them. And the end result of this was that they had a negative effect on them.
In these days it is extremely difficult for a father to raise his child in exclusion of friends. Trials and temptations constantly surround the youth from all directions.
Bad friends can either be people who are engulfed in their desires or in misconceptions. If they are those who are given into whims and desires, they will lead your child towards mischief and a digression from good character. As for those who follow misconceptions, they will lead your child towards innovations and opposing the guidance of the pious predecessors (Salaf as-Saalih). Perhaps he may even fall into the acts of declaring Muslims disbelievers and innovators. This particularly applies to the members of those methodologies that are foreign to this country (i.e. Saudi Arabia), as has occurred to some of our youth, may Allaah guide them and return them back to the truth.
In conclusion, I ask Allaah to rectify for all of us our intentions and offspring, and that He forgive our parents, granting them the best of rewards on our behalf. I ask Allaah to assist us in being dutiful to them during their lives as well as after their deaths.
I also ask Allaah to aid us in raising our children upon the Qur’aan and the Sunnah and to make them righteous offspring and an enjoyment to our eyes in this life by, through their uprightness, and after death, through their righteous deeds.
May the peace and praises of Allaah be upon our prophet Muhammad.
Published on: February 27, 2007